Small talk

Noun. light informal conversation for social occasions.
also known as chitchat, chit-chat, chit chat, small talk, gab, gabfest, gossip, tittle-tattle, chin wag, chin-wag, chin wagging, chin-wagging or causerie. (Princeton University WordNet)

According to many, it is preferable to silence - even if most of us disagree.
Paradoxically, many of us who hate small talk (speaking purely anecdotally here, rather than objective scientific measurements, as such a study is not accessible currently for reasons too obvious to mention. Psych students: thesis?) also seem to partake in it: whether it be with an estranged ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, a relative you have nothing in common with, a taxi driver (or he/she to their passengers) or alone with a stranger in an elevator - in western societies at least - silence seems to be anything but golden.

Being silent in such a situation - as being shy I often have been - is often interpreted as being rude. For some reason, many tend to associate silence, or at least a reluctance to engage in 'small talk' - as a sign of arrogance, pretentiousness or generalized rudeness. Even if this is the case with some (or even everybody else), this is not so for me. I am shy because 1) over-socialization increases my chances of encountering unsavoury characters and 2) I am content with the few friends I have - I have yet to see evidence that quality overrides quantity.

Lets assume it to be the case that 50% of the population actually ARE quiet because they actively dislike all those who the refuse to partake in small-talk with, and the other 50% are like me (and others I know whose intentions are likewise) then it would follow it would make no sense to assume *all* 100% of the population are the case.
Given the sheer amount of variables which may occur in everyday human interaction, 50% is as close as we are going to get to a tangible number – and in my experience, seems to be apt.

However, a counter argument will surely arise – shouldn’t we not also apply the same argument to the 50% that are not unfriendly? Well, yes. What I am trying to get at here is that we shouldn’t assume all those we perceive to be aloof actively dislike us (and then go on to ‘bitch’ about it to our friends), NOT trying to persuade you that the non-talkative are all secretly friendly, but shy. All I aim is to reserve judgement to such people, rather than make one. Act on evidence only when it becomes convincing rather than based on social expectation.

Returning from my tangent, the reason why small talk exists is because of the commonly held but illogical belief that talking (even if pointless) is fundamentally better than maintaining silence.
This belief is not actually held consciously – more the true unconscious intent behind habitual behaviour – deemed ‘manners’. Manners, as most of us should know, differ greatly between cultures (for example, the ‘thumbs up’ gesture is perceived to be extremely rude in Iran), and thus cannot be said to be intrinsically good merely because it is ‘polite’.

So what is good? Is small talk beneficial or harmful in a pure, unadulterated utilitarian way? It seems some partake in small talk in order to start a conversation, others as a pick up line and some – as aforementioned – out of the belief that being silent is rude.
Small talk, like all other social gestures, it not good or bad simply because society deems it to be – and is dependant on context.
For example, small talk can be beneficial when it consequentially leads to an amazing conversation about dinosaurs with lasers. On the other hand, it could be a pick up line from an unwanted guest. Yet again – 50/50.

So in conclusion, being talkative only shows that a person is talkative – and it doesn’t follow that they are kinder, friendlier, more ethical or have ‘more personality (a term which with little analysis, makes no sense at all) than a quieter one.

But leave me alone anyway.